Challenges and Lighter Moments during COVID
These have been challenging and sometimes heartbreaking times for all who have lost loved ones through the Covid-19 pandemic. For those providing support - funeral directors, crematorium staff, ministers, priests and celebrants - tough days indeed.
Happily, there have also been some lighter moments - and unexpected side- effects of Lockdown to help keep us sane.
With more time on their hands, people are tending to write longer eulogies! Often I prepare the tribute after interviewing family members. Some prefer to write their own - either to read themselves or for me to present on their behalf. Maybe some are, understandably, trying to compensate for other limitations such as reduced numbers allowed in the chapel. So they want to have something to send to those unable to attend..
I had a delightful tribute sent to me that I calculated would take over 20 minutes to read - and given we had 30 minutes in total available, that there were three songs and a reading, this was too much. Of course we managed to edit it without losing vital stories.
Webcasts have been widely appreciated - enabling log-ins from around the world. Unfortunately, due to vastly increased demand, these haven’t always worked - so families have been creative - filming the service on cameraphone, or using “Zoom”. I had one where those watching at home hadn’t muted their sound. As the ceremony began, I can only assume they couldn’t see and hear too well, because the language that filled the chapel was - shall we say, not really appropriate for the occasion. I had a quick word direct-to-iPad - scary vicar appearing full-screen thankfully did the trick!
Most families have abided by the limitation on numbers in chapel - with social distancing and all that. Some have tried to get around it, though. One strategy has been for the permitted maximum number to present themselves at the doors to be shown in by the funeral director. And then, just as they are being shown to their seats, others suddenly appear from where they have been lying in wait at the side of the building - nipping in at the back - hopefully avoiding our gaze ! They must know that to challenge them at this point will likely cause a scene!
Venues for wakes have of course been closed and unavailable. Going back to the house has been out of bounds. Whilst many have just accepted this and pledged to meet up when the situation improves, others have brought picnics - some with cutlery, wine, chicken, salmon, Prosecco. There have been pop-up receptions in the car park - sometimes socially distancing - not always. Chatting round the cars. Inevitably causing difficulties for those coming to later services from finding a parking space.
Meanwhile I’ve been doing my best to master “Facetime,” “Zoom” and “Skype” instead of face-to-face meetings in people’s homes that have always been how I prepared most of my services.
Talking on the ‘phone, “Can I put you on Loud Speaker?” is how it usually starts. The problem is that whenever two people talk at once, the sound momentarily cuts out. It’s safest to ask for names and places to be spelt out. With grandchildren and great-grandchildren being given ever more exotic names, the risk of mispronunciation or just getting the wrong one altogether is one I’d rather avoid - these are the mistakes that get spoken about long after the ceremony.
Well, here’s hoping and believing better days lie ahead. I understand many families are planning to hold proper get-togethers to celebrate the lives of their loved ones, just as soon as all this is over. Meanwhile, we do all we can. Right at the start of the pandemic, there were those calling for funerals to be “banned” - given the warm comments of so many in the past weeks, I’m so glad this didn’t happen.
And as someone commented to me recently - “I’m actually glad numbers were limited - it meant I got to choose who came to my husband’s funeral! And it saved a fortune on the buffet!”